i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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