I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Boobs are out for the taking
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
