You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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