I am in a vortex of obligation.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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