At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize