genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
