Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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