So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize