We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
