I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
