I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
wow bdsm is so cute
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
