Will you blow on my dice?
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
