Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
