fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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