He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
