if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
