I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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