i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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