1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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