Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
