Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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