I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
