His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
