She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
