If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
