This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
