feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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