She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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