maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
