when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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