do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
