What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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