i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm at about main and main street
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
