During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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