i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
