2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
