May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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