JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
