He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
