you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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