how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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