I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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