Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
