i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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