Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize