oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
