You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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