not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize