Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
