Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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