Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
