And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
