my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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