did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
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