I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
