she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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