You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
