We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
