i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
