Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
