just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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