Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
