just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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